Kris the twisted and tangled
Feb. 13th, 2004
01:16 pm - Time for a break
It's time for a live journal break. I need to be private about my feelings for a while and I think I need to take a break from reading everyone else's feelings. It's cool and all, but sometimes the things you read just aren't the things that you'd like to hear. And you get tired of the fighting, the wondering and the going back and forth. You just get tired.
So for a month I'm just going to share my feelings with myself. Write whatever I please and not hold back.
See you when I see you
Feb. 10th, 2004
11:24 am - what in the fuck
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY NEIGHBORS! I get okay with them just to want to go outside and bit off their damned heads once a fucking week. FUCK. And they do all of this damned shit right under my fucking bedroom window. I wonder if I'll make it until September without snapping, I've made it this far.
Damn I'm sitting here trying to meditate! Because I'm really a rather violent girl who just doesn't show it. But if you could see the things I think of in my mind NO ONE would be friends with me anymore.
Hmm, unless it's maintainance in which it is STILL pissing me off. Mostly the fact that whoever is doing it is hammering on my damned building, right underneath my bedroom. I swear, next time I just don't know if I want to live in a complex again. All I do is complain about neighbors. I don't think I like people very much, I spend far too much of my life complaining about them. Wow, I'm just like my sister! She hates people, I'm not crazy, just a product of my environment!
The bastard man is singing songs and he doesn't have a maintainance thing on and he's hammering into concrete. Damn I complain too much and it's just part of my personality and I'm not going to change it. I like to complain, fuck everyone does it, just to a different degree. I rag and bitch! I just like to talk about the things that annoy me.
LOL, Renee and I should go and live on our own little island. She'll live on one side and I'll live on the other side. Then we'd only have to see each other to complaints. No no, I don't truly hate people, but I do hate that I've grown up a certain way to believe that I should stay quiet when all I want to do most of the time is scream. I was born to a no Bullshit mother and all I take is Bullshit! Fuck I need to find the old me that was never afraid to voice her own opinion.
The fearless girl who left a friend stranded at her college and didn't give a shit. The girl that left a whole slegh of obscinities in Georgia when Misty locked my keys in my car. But I certainly did bug every person and police officer I saw until I got help. The girl that moved to Florida not knowing anyone and didn't care. The girl that lived in the ghetto with no car and hiked 3 miles to a 7-Eleven for food to make sure Lenny had a home. I stood up to my tyrant of an uncle about what makes me happy and how this is my life. I've gotta take it back. I've got to be that girl again. I've got to get her back! This person that I am now is a mixture of the person that I was in high school ( I hated myself in High School, fuck my mother thought I was gonna kill myself. It's a shitty conversation to have with your mother that you would never do that) and slightly the person that I once was.
Fuck Tony Robbins and Jen and the therapist that made me think about things that I don't want to think about. My insecurities have taken me over. I'm so much stronger then this, I've gone through hell and made it out. Why am I reverting? And what's keeping my insecurties around?
Looks like it's time to do a little soul searching again. It's what always helped me out in the past, might as well try it out.
Feb. 9th, 2004
11:17 pm - Holy Shit
I saw a new commercial like fifty million times last night while watching the Grammy's. The commerical was for the CBS news and they did an investigation about Salon products that are being sold in drug stores and Targets.
I'm totally disgusted that I've actually bought products "Salon" products from like a CVS or something like that. And I'm not sure if I still own it or not.
But what happens is that the hair products are being sold from a conterfieter (sorry that spelling is horrible) in Italy. They ship the black market stuff in Miami and then it makes it's way up into the stores up this way. It's not the stores fault, they just think they are getting the same product from a wholesale person instead of the company that makes them. The Tigi, American Crew, Paul Mitchell and Redkin that are sold in the stores is old and has tons of bacteria. That freaks me out. Like what expactly happens if you put old product in your hair. Plus the stuff out of Italy is not the same stuff, they reproduce it for less.
So damned gross. So I guess I felt the need to bestow some news on your folks. No ragging tonight!
Oh and the hot sexy neighbor is gone. He, the dog, brother and girlfriend moved out to a house in Winter Park. I think they are finally gone for good. I shed a tear!
Alright, must rag about one thing. My hair is in SERIOUS need of a relaxing (straighting) and the salon that I go to had to have their relaxer recalled. WAHHHHHHHH. My hair is turning into a damned afro and I was asked to call back on Monday. I'm on the verge of getting ahold of my stylest and just seeing if I can take my own damned product in there, I doubt it, but still. Hmm, I could just have her blowdry it. No, I need it relaxed. I'll just have to blowdry the shit every damned day. That sucks, oh well.
alright, must go tend to the fro.
Feb. 7th, 2004
01:38 am - ohhhhhhhhhhh
my niece got her period! I mean I know that it isn't a big thing for everyone else, but when I think of the fact that a little person that I saw in my sister's belly and then right after she was born is now a little woman. It just blows my mind. It just completely touches my heart. I feel so incredibly goofy and I wish I could go and give her a huge right now. Hmm, maybe I'll have to see if they have special cards for this type of thing. Probably not in Hallmark though, hmm.
And I know that I am so lame for not going up to the Trading Spaces people. I'm always so afraid of making a fool out of myself that I'll stay far away from folks that I think are cool or whatever like that. But I LOVE that show.
Omg, I feel like my body is rocking. It's the strangest thing. I'm literally sitting here in this seat and it feels like my hips are going back and forth. Never again shall I take all of the trimspa pills all at once. This is the first time that I've felt bad after taking any of those pills so it was truly wrong of me to take them all at once, but I was able to keep everything down so THAT is all that matters.
I almost went nuts on the way home tonight. I was driving back from Disney and this guy in front of me just kept braking really fast. I almost hit him like twice. I truly wanted to get out of my car and kick his ass. I think I need to take like a boxing class or something, I have tons of aggression (must be my sexual frustration)pent up in me. I should have gotten the other tea instead.
Alright, my thoughts are all over the place. So I'm going to head off to bed
Kristen 'proud aunt'
Feb. 6th, 2004
10:45 am - I'm lame #2
I had a chance to meet the 'Trading Spaces' folks last night and I'm a punk so I didn't go over. But, it was cool to see someone you watch on tv just right there walking around in the same area and whatnot as you.
Ohhhh, I just heard a JC song that I like. My friend Stacy has FINALLY met JC! That completely did it for her. She got 3 autographs and a picture and on and on. That was a big thing for her, I'm happy for her. Man, she sounded funny as hell on the phone into the station to talk to JC. So here I sit and listen to his interview from Portland. I'm excited for his album. Doesn't mean I'll like all of the songs, but I'll certainly buy it and jam to certain songs in the car. And HELLO, the fact that Tony helped write even 'part' of one of the songs does it for me!
Damn and I'm on to another day of Justin distaste. I'm glad I never really cared much for him, I'd be either jumping to his diffence or disliking him more. I don't like when folks can't own up to what they helped do. And that's what he's doing, he's copping out because 'oh no' it looks bad for him. He doesn't want any backlash, but he certainly did help create it. WHATEVER, he's a pussy!
Damn I'm starving!
And I got to touch the hand of (THANKS Nikki) the hot ass drummer from Cider last night, MATT! AWWWWW. His damned hand was just too soft for him being a drummer, blows my mind!
Kym, if you are reading this, did you call Nikki and I last night? We had zero reception in that place and I didn't want to try to call back the number and it wasn't you or something along those lines.
Alright, must get food in me and deal with Lenny.
Kristen the chicken
Feb. 5th, 2004
07:35 pm - I swear
All I'm gonna say is I FUCKING CAN'T STAND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE! I could give three shits if I EVER hear him sing or talk again!!!! I couldn't stand him before but NOW I REALLY can't stand his bitch ass. I don't even want to see his face. He just makes me fuckin sick. Dumb bastard. I'm glad I NEVER bought his album.
feeling a bit better
cocksucker pissy little bitch that he is
why am I mad you ask, because he's on my fucking tv and after reading an article where Janet almost cried after the revealing of her breast. I like her more and dislike him far more!
I feel like I have terets (however you spell that shit) I feel like I've got it. Damn, I want to cuss all day now. Fuck, shit, damn, cunt, cock, cock ,cock!
I feel far better
And firemen suck, they are stupid! And they'd better give me more porn back before I have to kick there ass.
ahhhh, maybe I should light some incense and meditate. One day some people just won't be dumb assholes anymore. I'll pray for them.
03:13 pm - I'm lame
I'm so damned lame. I swear I was good and I went ahead and worked out, REALLY good too might I add. Well I then went into my bathroom to take a shower. I turn on the water and the shower part starts spraying water all over my bathroom. I mean ALL over it! I take the damned thing off and find out it's got a crack in it. So I think I'm smart, my emode test did say my best quality is my Intelligence. Well anyway, I find the krazy glue and it won't spray anything. I cut it, it still won't spray anything. I cut it again, so I think it's spraying something, NO! It's got a huge ass air bubble in it. It then squirts out EVERYWHERE including on me! On my toes and then some part of my body where I never found it (I don't know where it went, but I don't think it's there anymore)So now I'm running around and I can't let me toes touch or they will be glued together. And that shit stings, I mean really!
And do you know that even after wasting my time with the krazy glue that shitty ass shower head sprayed all over the place AGAIN. Good thing I had my original showerhead still in my bathroom. Thankfully of what I know, I don't have anymore superglue on me.
Alright, it's been 20 minutes since I took my trimspa and I've got wet hair, so I'm off.
Kristen the lame
12:38 pm - wow
Okay, I was getting ready to work out and then I saw this video. It was some kind of nutty ass English group, I don't know what it's called. Something about 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love' or something like that. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT VIDEO???? Holy shit that was insane.
Maybe I need to be on drugs to understand it. There was a giant lobster on the ship and a crab with a gun and strange devil women. But it did make me laugh and that is always a good thing!
11:03 am - maybe I'm not crazy
I don't think I'm crazy anymore. I think that I'm a person who does have anxieties and depression, far too much time on my hands and far too many memories! I've figured it all out, well almost all of it. Still can't figure out the fish dreams, BUT EVERYTHING else is making perfect sense. Amen for the fact that I always seem to take magazines into the bathroom, I sit there for a half an hour (doing nothing) but at least I'll go through my old magazines and then I can get them out of my apartment. I read something and it REALLY made me think and today for the first time in a long damned time I don't feel the need for medication, another therapist or hypnosis. This is the first time in a long damned time I haven't felt the need for those things.
It's just like that song, "I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see obsticals in my way. 'something something, blah bla blah blah.' It's gonna be a bright, bright bright sunshining day"! That's it!
Damn I use to be fearless. I miss the happy-go-lucky girl that I was. I could talk to anybody, hell I once rode around in a car (truck) all day with a guy that I had no idea who the hell he was. I thought he was my neighbor, after he took me way out somewhere I found out he wasn't. He was a cool guy though and he took me to grocery store. Don't take rides with strange men, even if you think they are your neighbor, thankfully as stupid as I was he didn't touch me once, THANK GOD! I was a very lucky girl.
I'm gonna work out, well I'm gonna eat some breakfast/lunch/bunch something! and then I'm gonna work out. Well alright, I'm gonna take Lenny out, then eat and then workout. YES. Alright
I've gotta run
Feb. 3rd, 2004
01:22 pm - P.S.
Damn it's a beautiful day! I ought to take my depressing ass on outside and depress the rest of the world! LOL. I couldn't stay too sad for too long, hell I wouldn't have made it this far if I had. My mother taught me to laugh when I was sad, it works sometimes, other times it backfires, miserably. Holy shit does it ever!
Alright, I'm off to possibly clean some more.
'A Much Happier' Kristen
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